At a point in my life, I knew that I needed to become a right partner for the betterment of myself and not because I wanted to chase someone.
A lot of people are on the race, standing at a junction simply because of the desire to attract a partner and settle down but ignoring the quality and state of their soul in totality.
Before you attract your dream partner, you must have first become the dream partner for someone else. You can’t attract what you have not become.
So I will like to start with you as a person.
Do you believe this statement: “You accept people into your life based on the value you place on yourself”?
When attracting a dream partner, you need to first understand the meaning of a dream partner because not everyone can fit into its description.
A dream partner is someone who shares your values, complement you, loves God, has emotional stability and is on the journey to achieving purpose.
That’s my definition. You may have another one that est describes your personality.
You need to first define your own dream partner. Your dream partner might be the opposite of my definition, it all boils down to you.
To be able to attract a dream partner, you need first work on 4 areas which I will e shedding more depth into.
For positioning to occur, the following things must be put into consideration:
1. Have you discovered your purpose and true self yet?
The self concept is into 3 parts:
A. Your self image: The way you view yourself presently.
B. Self worth: The value you place on yourself.
C. Your ideal self: The way you intend to become.
What about your purpose?
Your purpose can be birth through your pains, experiences, past, what you wish to change, what God has told you personally or your talents.
To be able to date a purposeful person, you need to at least become conscious of yourself even if you are yet to get clarity.
Your purpose determines who you accept in your life. You must not end up with someone who will frustrate God’s purpose for you, feel intimidated, shut you down or limit you. This is why it’s better to go on a discovery journey before starting relationships but even if you have already, it’s not too late to start seeking for it.
2. Since you need to date someone that shares your values, you need to also know your value system.
Values are principles that guides your lifestyle and decisions. It’s the mirror which you view life. To be able to connect with another, the both of you should at least share in some values. When you are ignorant of your values, you won’t be able to know who fits in or not.
You can search for values on Google and pick out the ones that best describes you. Then ask yourself, which can you compromise or not? That determines who you accept. If you need more help on that, in the ATTRACT YOUR DREAM PARTNER PROGRAM, I shared extensively on it.
For me, I’m big on having a personal relationship with God, living a purposeful/influential life, caring for my family, integrity and fairness so I will at least prefer to be with someone who loves God, cares about people and family etc. It may not be 100% like mine but some should tally especially the most important ones.
If you notice, I’m still talking about you positioning yourself. It comes with knowledge.
When you know your purpose and values, it helps you to sieve out unserious people from your option and also help you determine how your relationship will operate.
Attracting your dream partner is not about you standing on the road with a signboard telling people you are single, it’s about discovering yourself, knowing what you want, having the right values, knowing God and choosing based on right process and system.
3. You should also know your temperament which determines how you behave and relate with people.
Some temperament repel each other and some attract each other but the most important thing is to know yours, understand your strength and weakness, determine who you can complement or can complement you and nurture a relationship together. Even if you attract and date your kind, you need knowledge to put up with your similarities.
We have 4 temperament, Choleric, Phlegmatic, Sanguine and Melancholy. You can read about it on Google so I don’t waste time on it.
4. Know what you want and don’t want.
Some of you don’t know what you don’t want, you only know what you want.
When you don’t know what you want, you may likely fall for something that looks similar to what you want out of pressure.
Ask yourself, what can I endure in a relationship or in a person? What should lead you to say yes or no?
I have mentioned few points under POSITIONING.
Let’s move to the second level, I call it:
There are different ways of packaging yourself:
How do you dress? Do you take care of yourself? Are you even attractive to yourself? You don’t have to slay by being naked but at least look good. You don’t need too many clothes, just with the right amount and colour, combination is allowed. Use fragrances, look presentable, be conscious of the way you carry yourself. Learn to smile. Most people can’t approach you because your face looks like you are carrying the whole world on your shoulder. A little smile can make the difference.
Most men want women that can engage in intellectual discussion with them likewise women want deep men not shallow minds. Invest in personal development. Read books, explore, research. Ignorance isn’t an excuse in an advanced technology world. Get educated formally and informally. Some of you can’t pay ₦500 for a book talk less of ₦2,000 for a seminar and you want to experience a change. You admire great people but you can’t make sacrifices. If it’s not MMM or quick money scheme program, you won’t invest. Invest in your mind and you would have a quality life. You can’t grow beyond your level of knowledge.
If wealth isn’t in your mind language, you can’t experience it. You need to change what you see and hear to experience a major shift in your life. Let me cite a background story. How my life changed forever.
While in school, I got tired of the normal routine of school-church-home. I felt there was more to life and I kept on thinking hard. One day in school while walking with my friends, I saw a seminar poster on the wall and I paused to look at it. The gate fee was #500. I didn’t have much but I knew that I could sacrifice #500 from my monthly allowance. I paid for the training among my friends. We were 6 and even when I later got a free ticket, None of them showed interest. At the seminar, my life changed. My purpose journey started. My mentor Steve Harris was one of those that came and I could connect to his story. Imagine that I also didn’t go because of #500. Isn’t the #500 paying off now?
You need to chase purpose and don’t expect a miracle to just happen. You need to be hungry for it to manifest. Those whose seek after righteousness (add anything) shall be filled. The more I grew, at some point ₦5,000 and ₦10,000 became too much to invest with but I learnt to. Then I did NLP, Neuro linguistic programming in 2015 which cost ₦400,000 now in Nigeria and my life and career changed for good. Now, my trainings are usually 5 or 6 figures because I now understand the power of the right knowledge but I started with ₦500 years back. I shared my story to encourage you not to be scared of intangible knowledge at the expense of only business and money making seminar.
3. Develop your emotional capacity:
I know you may have been betrayed, raped, molested, disappointed, heartbroken, hurt in the past and it has now made you feel bitter about life and yourself. Please work around seeking healing than internalizing all the hurt because it will affect how you project yourself. Understand why somethings happened to you and stop feeling like a victim. Nobody wants an emotional unstable person as a partner.
I got molested from age 7 by my lesson teacher and then it kept happening with different men till age 13. I have experienced betrayal, heartbreaks, molestation, etc but I now use it to inspire people and move on to the goal rather than stay in my past. I had to go through my healing phase too. Every of your past experiences have a reason and mission to fulfill. Seek it and heal. All these people that have jealousy, envy, pride issues, domestic violence and more are products of a rough past. Do your best to work on them before it ruins you.
In the ATTRACT YOUR DREAM PARTNER, I shared on deeper ways to heal from emotional baggage.
4. Financial capacity:
Nobody wants an idle hand or liability.
Get a skill, experience, or whatever to survive. Some men love women with drive and earning power. Men need to be responsible and stop blaming the government. Start a business, volunteer someone, trade with your hand or mental skill but keep moving forward.
Have you noticed that I’m still talking about you and not the person you are to date? Because when you develop yourself and know what you want, it becomes easier for you to accept the right people into your life because you have gained power, clarity and understanding.
5. Become socially wise.
Even if your personality is the boring type, try to force yourself to make friends. Be intentional about talking to people. Take interest by asking questions. Your spouse won’t fall from heaven so learn to meet people and build bond with value minded people. Come out of your comfort zone.
6. Understand your sexuality.
Our bodies react differently. Master your body and stop threatening someone to have sex with you or go. Life is more than sex and it’s better you do in the right confines without guilt and regrets with consequences.
I stand by no sex before marriage and I believed there were men of such value so it wasn’t impossible to meet such. Some of you think they don’t exist so you don’t get it. You sometimes date people carelessly without finding out what they truly want from you. Before I got married, I didn’t care if you were the president son, if you threaten our relationship with sex, I will fling you out of my life immediately. I didn’t compromise on that. Stop pitying these people. It’s not easy but you can create a boundary strategy than just flow with it. There were times of temptation but I kept trying different strategy to guard my intention.
7. Become spiritually grounded
All these Christians I see these days though. God’s idea is marriage. How can you succeed in it when you can’t understand the mind of God for it and how it should run? We have become so used to the society needs that we follow all trends. Having a personal deep relationship with God is bae. Don’t get confused. Build on that while positioning yourself.
In the next post, I will share the remaining 2 ways to attract your dream partner. Read it here: 4 Ways To Attract Your Dream Partner 2
You can be a part of THE ATTRACT YOUR DREAM PARTNER PROGRAM to have deeper knowledge on heal from emotional baggage, become attractive and attract your dream partner.