#SinglesDate: Handling Insecurity in Relationships By @larakudayisi

1)Hi everyone,am so happy to be a part of this tweet session this evening. #SinglesDate

2)I want to thank @NikeAdedokun and @FolayemiItunnu and the whole team of @relcapsules for this opportunity. #SinglesDate

3)Today’s topic is #HandlingInsecurityinRelationships. #SinglesDate

4)Insecurity spoils relationships. Insecurity drives people to become too ‘clingy’ or needy and this creates problems. #SinglesDate

5)When we enter an intimate relationship we can feel very emotionally vulnerable;  #SinglesDate

6)Especially if we have felt let down or hurt in previous relationships. #SinglesDate

7)And we ask ourselves these questions all the time.  #SinglesDate

8)Will they reject me? #SinglesDate

9)Have I done something to upset them? #SinglesDate

10)This is just too good to last!! #SinglesDate

11)These are the typical thoughts and feelings of the chronically insecure partner. Being insecure is a whole lot of hard work. #SinglesDate

12)Insecure people see problems when none exists. #SinglesDate

13)They become anxious about anything, they start looking for signs of things ‘going wrong’  #SinglesDate

14)Nervous flyers look out for signs that the aircraft is in trouble.  #SinglesDate

15) And, of course, they usually find what they are looking for, even if it isn’t really there at all. #SinglesDate

16)They perform constant monitoring and ask questions like: #SinglesDate

17)Do they look fed up? Why did they say that? Who’s this other person they’ve mentioned?  #SinglesDate

18)Should I feel threatened? Are they less attentive? Why did they pause after I suggested we meet up?”  #SinglesDate

19)I know someone who confessed that she had often felt inadequate and “not good enough” to be with her current partner.#SinglesDate

20)She couldn’t possibly understand what he could see in her. #SinglesDate

21)She also told me she had ended many previous relationships because of her insecurity. “It felt easier for me to end it before they did!”  #SinglesDate

22)Walking away rather than risk the pain of feeling abandoned seem the easiest thing for her to do.  #SinglesDate

23)There was a time in my life too that I was so insecure.#SinglesDate

24)Many of you know that story from beginning to the end by now.#SinglesDate

25)I got pregnant at age 18 plus and had my baby at 19 years of age. #SinglesDate

26) After that saga,I hit the streets in search of love. #SinglesDate

27) I felt the need for love. I needed Validation. #SinglesDate

28)And a couple of relationships after,I was shattered because I had the biggest “stigma” at that time – A child outside wedlock. #SinglesDate

29)The result of this was  Paranoia and great Insecurity. #SinglesDate

30)Anyone who dated me was in trouble because I would always imagine they would leave me soon after finding out about my “shame”. #SinglesDate

31)The biggest cause of Insecurity is the need for validation – from someone else.  #SinglesDate

32)No one can validate you. Not really! #SinglesDate

33)It’s never going to be enough!!! #SinglesDate

34)Only you can validate you and ultimately it only matters that we acknowledge our connection to God and then we are truly validated. #SinglesDate

35)So in order to feel more secure you need to boost your self-confidence. It’s time to be honest with yourself. #SinglesDate

36)There are four areas of your life – emotional, spiritual, physical and mental – that need to be addressed. #SinglesDate

37)What is your spiritual life like? Do you believe in God? Because He is the only one who can validate you sincerely! #SinglesDate

38)If so, are you in gratitude for the things you do have? Like two arms, legs, a healthy heart. Or do you complain about what you don’t have? #SinglesDate

39)Gratitude lifts your self-confidence by strengthening your core. #SinglesDate

40)To lift up the mental part look at what information you are soaking up. Are you watching violent movies or soap operas or reading melodramatic novels? Are you glued to CNN? #SinglesDate

41)The problem with those things is they connect you to low energy emotions of blame, regret, anxiety, humiliation, shame and even hatred. #SinglesDate

42)Let’s examine some other ways of getting over Insecurity in your relationships #SinglesDate

43)Firstly; Stop Confusing Imagination with Reality #SinglesDate

44)Stop imagining the worst about your partner and don’t also read unnecessary meanings to what they say or do. #SinglesDate

45)When you act on your wrong imaginations, it can scatter everything going on smoothly in your relationship. #SinglesDate

46)Please kill or cast down any imagination that will get you worked up or paranoid. #SinglesDate

47)Secondly is: Give the Relationship Room to Breathe. #SinglesDate

48)When you plant a seed in the ground, you need to give it access to sunlight, water, and air; you need to give it space to develop. #SinglesDate

49)Your relationship needs room to breathe.  #SinglesDate

50)Schedule in some ‘separate time’ and just see it for what it is. #SinglesDate

51)The developing flower needing space to grow isn’t a sign that it is heading for collapse. #SinglesDate

52)Thirdly is: Stop Mind Reading. #SinglesDate

53)Constantly wondering what your partner is thinking is a quick route to anxiety. If they say one thing don’t assume they mean another. #SinglesDate

54)If they say nothing don’t assume that their silence is significant, either. #SinglesDate

55)Next is stop comparing your current relationships to past ones. #SinglesDate

56)The extreme form of this ‘dangerous comparison’ can lead to destructive generalizations such as, ” #SinglesDate

57)All men are lying bastards!” or “All women are promiscuous gold diggers!” #SinglesDate

58)If you suspect you have been making faulty unfair comparisons between your current partner and a former one #SinglesDate

59)Then write a list of all the destructive traits of your former partner.  #SinglesDate

60)Write next to this list all the ways your current partner is different and review this list regularly.  #SinglesDate

61)This will help you to stop assuming that the future has to be like the past. #SinglesDate

62)Next: Focus on the Good. #SinglesDate

63)No meaningful relationship will always totally work all the time.  #SinglesDate

64)There are always some difficulties, but keep focussing on what is good. #SinglesDate

65)So take the steps to improve how you feel about yourself, to reconnect to your Divine Source.  #SinglesDate

66) You’re not inferior. You don’t need to feel insecure. You are loved and you are able to love.#SinglesDate

67)You are created in God’s image;therefore you are an asset to anyone you come in contact with. #SinglesDate

68)For more Counselling on Insecurity and any other Relationship issues; #SinglesDate

69)Please check my blog www.shatteredglassng.com;call me on 08187045533 or add me up on BBM; 2B2BC0BE #SinglesDate

70)Thank you for reading and keep your comments coming. #SinglesDate

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