Recently, a client of mine told me how she caught her fiance with another woman. They were even planning to settle down soon. She was emotionally down and couldn’t handle it. I had to counsel her and give her few tips to handle it. Most of the time you have to be sure that your investigations are correct before challenging your partner. If someone told you about it, I would advise that you find out yourself and not entertain rumours. What if you are certain of it?
Like it or not, it really doesn’t matter how many sermons are preached, we would still have the following kinds of people:
1. Someone who is in a relationship and still cheats.
2. Someone who knows about the cheating but prefers to stay and change the lifestyle with prayer, nice attitude and plenty counselling.
3. Those who don’t know their partners are cheating.
4. Those who don’t mind the cheating as long as they are the number one.
It is possible that you have either agreed not to have sex or you both have sex and the cheating still occurs.
Whatever number you find yourself, the following tips should help.
1. Relax and face the truth: It can be painful when you find out that your partner has been cheating on you especially when you have been very faithful to the core. At this point, telling you to relax may look awkward but it would help you think straight. Your usual mind may bring up suggestions like; “Revenge!”” Fight back!””Leave!””Kill him!””Punish them”, etc. As much as that sounds like a good route, it’s not the best for you. Remind yourself that it didn’t happen because you are not good enough or not valuable enough or so, it could just be about your partner wanting more or not being sexually and emotionally stable. Can you handle it? Do you want out? Ask yourself these questions and be ready to accept the answers.
2. Communicate about it: So many times, people don’t usually cheat because they really want sex. It could be because they want something you are not giving. Discuss about how you found out. When dealing with clients, I mostly hear things like; “I went through his or her phone” or “I caught them talking in a strange manner” etc. I would advise you talk about it and watch their physiology like change in face, eyes, reaction, body language and all. Sometimes your partner may cheat because they long for emotional connection and got it somewhere else. Most people cheat because of selfish reasons like wanting to double dating, unable to control sexual urges, willingness to cheat and all sort. Whatever reasons are given, be sure it’s sincere and decide if you want to continue or not.
Answer these questions:
1. Do I deserve to be cheated upon?
2. Is this the same pattern operating in the relationship?
3. Are you losing or gaining in the relationship?
You need to answer these questions because if you are just dating and such occurs, then what will happen in marriage?
You don’t have to kill yourself or look down on your self. You are valuable and worth more than that, you just needed the reality in your face. You deserve more and you can choose what you want. It is okay to cry over it but it should not define you. You don’t need to go to social media to rant or talking about it here and there because whatever you expand your energy on can be an issue or can affect your focus.
I don’t like to tell people to leave a relationship because it’s a personal decision. If you decide to leave immediately, that’s fine and you may need to seek help to heal and love again. You can also book a free session here to talk about it.
What if you decide to forgive and continue?
Then you need to be able to:
-Build trust again.
-Discuss about whereabouts and plans together.
– Communicate about everything together.
– Be accountable to each other.
One of the most challenging things about dealing with such people is that, when you say you have forgiven, you have to be ready not to bring it up during conversations. If you know you would bring it up again and again for years to come then your forgiveness isn’t complete and you may need some time to reflect about it.
If you have such issue and would love to talk about it, you can book a free 20minutes consultation here
Let me know your thoughts.